Stories from my Commute: The Diversity of Kindness

Boston has a real eclectic appeal. In part this is due to the annual influx of people into the area for college and university study. People worldwide are also attracted to work in Boston because of the technical sciences and health care industries. Boston’s history of immigration, ethnic neighborhoods, and present-day diversity representing much of the globe add to the sense of multiculturalism, and provide the variety of sights, sounds, and flavors of the city. While many view this diversity as contributing to an atmosphere of unfriendliness, this doesn’t describe the whole of my experience. Just in the past couple of weeks, I had a woman from Hong Kong, a man from India, a French Canadian woman, and a female and male of Western European descent from New England each offer me assistance. These individuals, not only represented diverse ethnic and racial backgrounds, but a variety of life stages as well. One woman offered to cross a busy intersection with me, which was nice. People with low vision are taught to wait for the parallel traffic to start before crossing an intersection; however, the walk signal doesn’t always correspond exactly with this traffic flow. And besides, in Boston drivers and pedestrians alike don’t always pay much attention to walk signals. In this case, I knew the walk signal was on, but the parallel traffic hadn’t started yet. The woman simply said, “Would you like to cross with me?” Her offer was made with self-assurance that made being on the receiving end of the offer pleasant. A woman I see once in a while on my way home came up, said hello, and provided friendly chat as we walked toward our homes. Her friendliness is not only welcome at the end of a long work day, but allows me to get home with a bit more ease. In one of the other cases, a man asked if he could help me get on the train I needed at Park Street station; I was all set, but the offer was thoughtful. And still another guy let me know there was a baby carriage just inside the door of the train and I should stay to my left. This was a descriptive offer of help for not only me, but also the mother with the cute baby sleeping in the carriage. A final example was a man who approached an intersection where I was waiting to cross, paused beside me, and said you can cross now. These simple words were helpful because it was a crossing with no traffic light. It struck me this week how my disability opens me up to the experience of having brief but friendly interactions with people from a diverse set of backgrounds. These random acts of kindness have proven to be a hallmark of the Boston area and some days a real helping hand. As a bonus, these experiences give a true portrait of immigration in this country, and do not match the negative rhetoric I frequently hear.

Financial Liberty and Protection

Recently I was traveling for work, and ended up sitting by a chatty person on a three hour flight. Normally I would have discouraged a lengthy conversation, but the take-off was delayed and we sat for a while awaiting news about our flight. The woman sitting next to me began telling me a story about her family, which was sadly similar to others I’d heard in the past. In her case, the story involved her father-in-law, some health problems requiring his hospitalization and surgery, and the appearance of a girlfriend. According to my seat mate, her father -in-law had lived alone and kept largely to himself for several years following his wife’s death. After he’d retired, He and his wife had moved to the Southeastern U.S. to escape the Winter weather. He had visited his family for about a month each year, but other than that his kids were unaware of him having any social life. Because of the man’s surgery and postoperative needs, his two adult children arranged their schedules to visit and help with his care. Upon their arrival the adult kids and their respective spouses found that he had a girlfriend, and less than two days before his surgery thousands of dollars had been spent. The adult children were surprised to find very little food in the house and other minor signs of neglect of their father’s place. His condition was to serious at the time to question him, but The girlfriend said that their father had given her the money to pay off her credit cards and she cared for him. After the man’s initial recovery from surgery, his kids asked him some questions and he said he’d given the money to his girlfriend because she needed it. My seat mate told me the girlfriend was a real-estate agent, which worried her. She added that her husband and his sister had found other discrepancies in financial matters and in the girlfriend’s story. The girlfriend had tried unsuccessfully to discourage the two from making follow-up visits to see their father. It was clear that her father-in-law was going to back up the girlfriend’s statements, and the girlfriend was trying to convince him that his children were only concerned because they wanted his money. My seat mate said she didn’t know what to do, because she understood her father-in-law was competent. However, she still worried he was being taken advantage of and worse yet, wasn’t being looked after as the girlfriend claimed. Both of his adult children were over 800 miles away with jobs that prevented them from being there more frequently, and their father was not willing to relocate closer to them. I have no idea what the truth of the situation was concerning this woman’s father-in-law. If he wanted to give thousands of dollars to a girlfriend, or anyone else for that matter, he had the right to do so. It’s possible that he may not have been taken advantage of by anyone involved, but any of the parties may have been looking for financial gain. Sadly financial scams and financial abuse are on the rise. Both men and women are susceptible to love-financial scams. There is the recent case of Mitch Gross in Atlanta, Georgia: http://www.ajc.com/news/atlanta/marietta-author-accused-of-1351638.html. Online dating scams are on the rise like the 2008 case where a man, posing as a woman, conned an Australian man out of $20,000 http://www.stuff.co.nz/technology/648903. Of course, there are other forms of financial fraud such as: collecting money for a charity that doesn’t exist; selling a non-existent stock or property; and home repair scams, where people agree to do work for payment up-front but never complete the work. Soon after I returned from my trip and had heard the father-in-law story, I learned of a financial abuse case in Fairfield, Connecticut involving Mary Kantorowski. Prior to her husband’s death, Mary and her husband had put their home in a trust to be managed by their oldest son, with the stipulation that Mary be able to live in the home. Through some legal maneuver, her son had dissolved the original trust, and formed a new trust held by him and his wife. This new trust dropped the stipulation that Mary could remain in her home. On Mary’s 98th birthday, her son provided her an eviction notice in order to sell the house and place her in a nursing home. Fortunately for Mary, her case has come to the attention of the authorities, but so many cases of financial abuse never do. To learn more about Mary’s case go to http://www.ctpost.com/default/article/Son-tries-to-evict-98-year-old-mother-from-3347230.php. How are we as a society going to do better at protecting ourselves and love ones against financial scams and abuse? And at the same time how do we age in place and provide people the freedom to live their lives the way they choose? How can we help people remain engaged and avoid isolation: a risk factor for all forms of abuse? For more information about financial abuse and scams visit the website for the National Committee for the Prevention of Elder abuse at http://www.preventelderabuse.org/elderabuse/fin_abuse.html. To avoid falling victim to a scam or abuse follow these tips offered by the National Council on Aging at http://www.ncoa.org/enhance-economic-security/economic-security-Initiative/top-8-ways-to-protect.html

It’s All about the Trains

When people ask me why I continue to live in the Boston area, where the winters can be harsh and the price of rent can eat up well over half of take-home pay, I only have one answer: the trains. There is something wonderful about being able to leave one’s place and within 10 minutes or so be on my way on a train. For those of you who drive, you must recall what it was like when you got your first car and could take yourself where and when you wanted. Driving allows you freedom. Just ask any former driver or a teen a month away from getting a license. For those of you living where public transportation is a bus system or a ride share program, then my love of the trains may require more of an explanation. With ride share programs one usually has to make plans one to three days in advance and allow an hour before and after a pick-up time, and on the way home the duration of the wait and travel time can be greater. On most bus routes, the buses come once an hour and getting to a destination may require one or two bus transfers. Taking the train in the Boston area is the closest I’ve ever gotten to the freedom of driving. In other parts of the U.S. it’s different. If I had to get on a bus and I was running five minutes late, I might end up waiting an hour for the next bus. And if I had to be somewhere by 9:00 am using a ride share program, I would have a pick-up time of 7:00 am, because the driver could show up any time between 6:00 am and 8:00 am. With access to a train system, when I’m ready I leave. There is so much power and freedom in having this ability! I hope I continue to be able to use the trains for many years to come, but I already understand the physical ability, balance, and energy involved in using the trains. Plus, being able to use a train system requires me to keep a well enough paying job to afford living in an urban place where the rents average over $1500 per month. I heard a woman say once that she didn’t want her tax money going to public transportation, because pretty much everyone had a car or should get a job so they could get one. I don’t drive, but my tax money goes to the upkeep of streets and interstates, and I’ve never said I did not want to support drivers. I don’t read signs either, but I’ve never suggested that all street signs be removed because I didn’t think my tax money should support posting signs. Clearly the woman making this tax statement against public transportation didn’t have epilepsy, could pass a driving eye exam, and hadn’t developed any physical or cognitive limitations that made driving unsafe. And maybe with luck or by grace she will never develop any of these problems. However, a growing number of people are facing the issue with their own ability to drive or with a family member. Yet, as a nation, and in our states and local communities, we continue to sit on our hands and do little to address this issue. We leave it up to family members or doctors to take keys away from someone, often with no transportation plan in place to allow the person to remain socially active and productive. We have programs in place that attempt to promote people with a disability to work, but then we leave it up to family or friends to provide daily, reliable transportation to jobs. I don’t understand the lack of support for public transportation: both in expanding train systems and in developing alternative transportation systems that work well. Public transportation can reduce congestion on the roads, be convenient for those that need to work on the go and don’t need the distraction of driving, and in helping to reduce isolation and increase civic involvement among those who cannot drive. What can be done? You can support The Senior Transportation and Mobility Act of 2012 (H.R. 4028) or the Senate version introduced last Fall (S. 1942) by contacting your U.S. Representative or State Senators and telling them to support this legislation. Learn about the act here: http://www.paramuspost.com/article.php/20120216101624172 http://www.ncoa.org/public-policy-action/policy-news/bill-would-strengthen-senior.html You can learn more about Transportation for America; go to their website http://t4america.org/ If you drive: You can offer a friend or neighbor a ride. You can volunteer as a driver for a local transportation program that provides people with rides.

Stories From My Commute: The Ridiculous Things People Say

Envision a blind woman walking along the sidewalk on a moderately busy city street using a cane. The sidewalk has cracks and bumps in it and there are some oddly placed poles. A male, whom she does not know, approaches on her right and passes her. As he does, he says, “You should really practice walking on this route.” Really? This was one time when I couldn’t think fast enough to say anything. Thankfully, I ran into him again about a week later. He had the nerve to say to me “you’re doing good today.” I said, well when you lose your vision or one of your other senses, then you can judge, but until then be thankful for what you have. After all, you’re going to get older and it’s going to happen to more people like you. And I think you’ll find that the world isn’t all that set up for you. All things considered, I think I was pretty nice. Humor me, and picture a blind woman moving through a crowded train station built decades ago. The trains rumble in with high pitch squeaks. Sounds echo and people are moving in all different directions. A woman comes face-to-face with the blind woman and says “watch out”. Really? I am not sensitive to language as a general rule. I ‘saw’ the item in the news, and I ‘watch’ movies. I can concede that no other warning jumped to the woman’s mind; maybe she hadn’t had her morning shot of caffeine. It’s also possible that she wasn’t all that bright, or was unaware of what the cane meant. After all, there can still be some shock associated with blind people moving about in society.

When you love, what is it that you love?

In a recent Psychology Today article Lynne Soraya asks, “When we love, what exactly is it that we love?” Seems like a timely question, given the topic of Hallmark, jewelry, and florist commercials. It’s one worth thinking about… It’s possible that love is shared interest, physical looks/attraction, or something else. Maybe love is all about what the “love” does for you... If one listens to long-term couples talk about what made their relationship work it’s things like commitment, caring, a sense of humor, and working things through together. One gets the idea that things like gray hair, arthritis, reduced sex drive, and hearing loss do not make the love disappear. I suspect that the truth of this idea depends upon one’s answer to the “love” question, but is that all there is to it? Think about a parent’s wish for a child to grow up having friends and socializing with others, partnering, and having children. Consider Louise Kinross’s story about her son, who has a disability, and finds himself friendless as a preteen. People of all ages living with a disability are at-risk for social isolation and lovelessness. All evidence suggests that this is not because people with a disability are unable to care or commit, lack a sense of humor, or can’t work things out with others.--- When you love, what is it that you love? To read Lynne Soraya’s article go to http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/aspergers-diary/201201/love-identity-and-disability For Louise Kinross’s story about her son visit http://www.huffingtonpost.com/louise-kinross/genetic-disability-friendship_b_1263895.html

Stories from my commute: The Possum

Recently on my commute I experienced two different situations that were equally unhelpful. Both involved an individual who stood perfectly still. I might not have remembered either of these events, but because they both occurred on my way to work in a single morning, they have stayed with me. For those of you who do not know me personally, I navigate through the world with a cane. IN this age of high tech, I know it seems ridiculous that the only two options for independent mobility for people who have low or no sight are a dog guide or a cane. Regrettably no one has applied his or her knowledge of robotics to independent orientation and mobility. I keep hoping that instead of target seeking drones, the amazing techno geeks can develop a navigational guiding system for people with low or no vision. However this idea probably warrants its own blog entry, and I should get back to my story. It was the typical morning; I’d started moving with the assistance of my cat, who persistently requested her breakfast, and two cups of donut shop coffee. I made myself presentable for work, shut off the Keurig, and scratched the sleeping cat before heading out the door. I passed the guy distributing The Metro to the morning commuters, and had just scanned my card to gain entry to the train. I was moving from the gate to the stairwell leading to the train platform when my cane hit a still form. I attempted to move to one side to reach the stairwell, but there was a stream of people moving beside me. I waited for an opening and moved over to get to the stairwell. I had to be more cautious than usual because I couldn’t use the railing to help identify the stairs. As I passed the obstacle, I realized it was an individual leaning up against the start of the handrail at the top of the stairs. After I passed him I heard him mumble sorry. I remember thinking “jerk”, but to the best of my ability, I kept moving with the flow of people who were hoping to get on the incoming train. I suppose it’s possible that he was glued to that spot for a sociological study or handcuffed to the railing as a practical joke, but it was probably just a complete disregard for others and a lack of awareness of the trouble he was causing. I reached downtown where I switch trains, and while I was waiting, I ran into a train acquaintance, Nancy. We greeted one another and exchanged pleasantries as we waited. The wait was longer than usual, and as a result, our train was crowded. When the train reached our stop, I moved to get off. I got to the three steps leading to the door of the train, and there stood a guy with his backside pressed up against the railing. I was able to carefully navigate down the steps and onto the platform, again wondering what the heck was wrong with people and why this guy felt he had to guard the handrail. Was he really so frightened at the prospect of a blind person moving to get off the train that he was unable to move? It flashed through my mind that if he’d fallen over I would have some circumstantial evidence for an evolutionary anomaly that made him like a possum. As I started down the platform toward the station exit, I realized that Nancy was struggling. She got stuck in the doorway of the train and had to yell to get the conductor to allow her the time to get off the train. The self-appointed handrail guard hadn’t moved, and I knew Nancy had a bad knee. I was really concerned Nancy was going to fall, so I turned back in case I could be helpful. I stood long enough to know she was off the train and no harm had come to her. I hope that the possums got the message and move next time. There is a reason for handrails: Access to handrails help prevent fall related injuries and deaths by providing guidance or support for people as they navigate stairs. By playing possum you may be increasing the risk that someone could fall and get seriously hurt. While it is true that most falls happen in one’s home, a fall getting on or off a train could be devastating. If the potential harm to someone isn’t enough to convince you, just think of the inconvenience the train delays would cause you if someone fell and needed medical attention.

Action Plan

Recently, people have begun to talk about the potential market power of people with a limitation in their physical, sensory, communication, or cognitive functioning. Check out this article by Michael Janger http://www.brandchannel.com/features_effect.asp and this link from Diversity World http://www.diversityworld.com/Disability/customers.htm. It’s true; having a product designed with all users in mind can gain a company popular press and sales. The most obvious example is Apple. Wonderful, we know what works: demand for usability and universal design. The question is how do we get steering committees, company board members, and engineers among other product designers, to change? This isn’t an easy question to answer because people with any need for an alternative way of getting things done are vastly underrepresented in these powerful roles. Fortunately, there is so much that can be done that there is a task for everyone. I. Inform the company and let your social network know about a product you like because of its design features. Companies need this feedback whether they are creating something for a specific market or for wider use. If you are a member of any groups or participate in any use of social media make sure you use these outlets to promote the product. Keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with the traditional phone call or letter if that is more your style. If you are to ill or busy, or lack the confidence to do this yourself, keep it in mind for the next person who offers to help. II. Get the word out about a poorly designed product or line of products that do not meet your need. The “user experience” is important. Make sure you let the company responsible for the product know, and when you do, let them know you are sharing this information with your social network. Try to be clear about the problem, and if you can think of any, offer solutions. Don’t forget that most design elements that are not functional for all people are made because people lack knowledge and information. The ability to place oneself in another’s shoes isn’t universal, and often exists more in people with less power. III. Look for opportunities to use your purchasing power to support companies that use universal design principles, increase accessibility, and employ and promote people with limitations in their physical, sensory, communication, or cognitive functioning. If you belong to any groups, look for ways to promote those companies, use their products, and make sure your group contacts the company with this information. Maybe they’ll even pay to include you in an advertising campaign or ask you to be involved in product testing. IV. Expand your thinking about diversity to include people of varying abilities and look for ways to promote this idea within your company or in your civic group. I am not suggesting that racial and ethnic diversity are less important; I am simply saying that diversity should not merely be assessed through an individual’s complexion or country of origin. When different perspectives get brought to the table, acceptance and innovation tend to follow. People who have to seek out alternative ways of navigating through life and getting things done can bring fresh ideas and different perspectives to your community organization or company. In order to be a market force people desiring universal design features or seeking alternative solutions for interacting with their environment must be willing to be vocal and counted. It is only through these actions that change will be forth coming and people on those steering committees, board of directors, and product design teams will begin to see the return on their investment in universal and alternative design.