Financial Liberty and Protection

Recently I was traveling for work, and ended up sitting by a chatty person on a three hour flight. Normally I would have discouraged a lengthy conversation, but the take-off was delayed and we sat for a while awaiting news about our flight. The woman sitting next to me began telling me a story about her family, which was sadly similar to others I’d heard in the past. In her case, the story involved her father-in-law, some health problems requiring his hospitalization and surgery, and the appearance of a girlfriend. According to my seat mate, her father -in-law had lived alone and kept largely to himself for several years following his wife’s death. After he’d retired, He and his wife had moved to the Southeastern U.S. to escape the Winter weather. He had visited his family for about a month each year, but other than that his kids were unaware of him having any social life. Because of the man’s surgery and postoperative needs, his two adult children arranged their schedules to visit and help with his care. Upon their arrival the adult kids and their respective spouses found that he had a girlfriend, and less than two days before his surgery thousands of dollars had been spent. The adult children were surprised to find very little food in the house and other minor signs of neglect of their father’s place. His condition was to serious at the time to question him, but The girlfriend said that their father had given her the money to pay off her credit cards and she cared for him. After the man’s initial recovery from surgery, his kids asked him some questions and he said he’d given the money to his girlfriend because she needed it. My seat mate told me the girlfriend was a real-estate agent, which worried her. She added that her husband and his sister had found other discrepancies in financial matters and in the girlfriend’s story. The girlfriend had tried unsuccessfully to discourage the two from making follow-up visits to see their father. It was clear that her father-in-law was going to back up the girlfriend’s statements, and the girlfriend was trying to convince him that his children were only concerned because they wanted his money. My seat mate said she didn’t know what to do, because she understood her father-in-law was competent. However, she still worried he was being taken advantage of and worse yet, wasn’t being looked after as the girlfriend claimed. Both of his adult children were over 800 miles away with jobs that prevented them from being there more frequently, and their father was not willing to relocate closer to them. I have no idea what the truth of the situation was concerning this woman’s father-in-law. If he wanted to give thousands of dollars to a girlfriend, or anyone else for that matter, he had the right to do so. It’s possible that he may not have been taken advantage of by anyone involved, but any of the parties may have been looking for financial gain. Sadly financial scams and financial abuse are on the rise. Both men and women are susceptible to love-financial scams. There is the recent case of Mitch Gross in Atlanta, Georgia: http://www.ajc.com/news/atlanta/marietta-author-accused-of-1351638.html. Online dating scams are on the rise like the 2008 case where a man, posing as a woman, conned an Australian man out of $20,000 http://www.stuff.co.nz/technology/648903. Of course, there are other forms of financial fraud such as: collecting money for a charity that doesn’t exist; selling a non-existent stock or property; and home repair scams, where people agree to do work for payment up-front but never complete the work. Soon after I returned from my trip and had heard the father-in-law story, I learned of a financial abuse case in Fairfield, Connecticut involving Mary Kantorowski. Prior to her husband’s death, Mary and her husband had put their home in a trust to be managed by their oldest son, with the stipulation that Mary be able to live in the home. Through some legal maneuver, her son had dissolved the original trust, and formed a new trust held by him and his wife. This new trust dropped the stipulation that Mary could remain in her home. On Mary’s 98th birthday, her son provided her an eviction notice in order to sell the house and place her in a nursing home. Fortunately for Mary, her case has come to the attention of the authorities, but so many cases of financial abuse never do. To learn more about Mary’s case go to http://www.ctpost.com/default/article/Son-tries-to-evict-98-year-old-mother-from-3347230.php. How are we as a society going to do better at protecting ourselves and love ones against financial scams and abuse? And at the same time how do we age in place and provide people the freedom to live their lives the way they choose? How can we help people remain engaged and avoid isolation: a risk factor for all forms of abuse? For more information about financial abuse and scams visit the website for the National Committee for the Prevention of Elder abuse at http://www.preventelderabuse.org/elderabuse/fin_abuse.html. To avoid falling victim to a scam or abuse follow these tips offered by the National Council on Aging at http://www.ncoa.org/enhance-economic-security/economic-security-Initiative/top-8-ways-to-protect.html

When you love, what is it that you love?

In a recent Psychology Today article Lynne Soraya asks, “When we love, what exactly is it that we love?” Seems like a timely question, given the topic of Hallmark, jewelry, and florist commercials. It’s one worth thinking about… It’s possible that love is shared interest, physical looks/attraction, or something else. Maybe love is all about what the “love” does for you... If one listens to long-term couples talk about what made their relationship work it’s things like commitment, caring, a sense of humor, and working things through together. One gets the idea that things like gray hair, arthritis, reduced sex drive, and hearing loss do not make the love disappear. I suspect that the truth of this idea depends upon one’s answer to the “love” question, but is that all there is to it? Think about a parent’s wish for a child to grow up having friends and socializing with others, partnering, and having children. Consider Louise Kinross’s story about her son, who has a disability, and finds himself friendless as a preteen. People of all ages living with a disability are at-risk for social isolation and lovelessness. All evidence suggests that this is not because people with a disability are unable to care or commit, lack a sense of humor, or can’t work things out with others.--- When you love, what is it that you love? To read Lynne Soraya’s article go to http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/aspergers-diary/201201/love-identity-and-disability For Louise Kinross’s story about her son visit http://www.huffingtonpost.com/louise-kinross/genetic-disability-friendship_b_1263895.html